To refer to a gender neutral person is getting complex and many of us have issues with it.
Let’s look first at what is a gendered individual. It’s someone who doesn’t identify with what is assigned “assigned at birth”.
A gendered individual is someone who does not identify with the gender assigned to them from birth. This means that they may not identify as the gender they were born with, and may choose to exist outside the gender binary.
Gender identity is a highly personal experience, and for people striving to live their truth, seeking out education, support, and representation can be invaluable. It’s important to remember that being gendered doesn’t always mean someone adheres to binary gender identity. Instead, it’s about how they feel they should be identified and the respect they deserve to express their identity.
I have a big issue with “assigned at birth” as gender is determined at fertilization, about 9 months before birth. The mother brings an X chromosome, the father brings a Y or an X – if he brings an X, it’s a girl. If he brings a Y, it’s a boy. Fetuses start developing genitals 7 weeks after fertilization. There is no gender neutral fertilization!
“Assigned at birth” is just not true. It’s assigned by … NATURE, no one else.
A gender neutral person is someone born as one gender but feels like another gender or no gender at all. There are multiple types of non-conforming genders:
- Genderfluid are people who do not commit to a single gender and may change depending on many factors.
- Agender are those who do not feel belonging to any of the 2 main genders.
- Demigender are those who feel belonging to both genders.
- Etc.
NO! A transgender is not a gender-neutral person – that’s someone who was born with a gender and transitioned or is transitioning to another gender. In this case, these individuals have a well-defined gender. I know someone who is transitioning from male to female, and you’d better not call her “they” 🙂
Many call this non-conformity Gender Dysphoria, and again I am against that denomination. Dysphoria sounds like a serious illness, no? It is not. But there are many psychologists and therapists to help anyway…
Dissatisfaction is quite common and not just with gender. In my case, I was raised since birth in a small town where everyone but my Dad was a farmer. We were all educated and raised as farmers. I never associated myself with being a farmer. That dysphoria caused me lots of trouble. Was I a sick kid? Heck no 🙂 Exactly the same with non-conforming gender people.
Good people who think they can “fix” non-conforming gender and gender neutral are a bunch of idiots and lead to the high rate of suicide in the gender-neutral population.
How to Call a Gender Neutral Person?
Some come up with weird ideas as she/he doesn’t work they came up with “they”. They is plural, but I saw many times used as a singular, like in the pamphlet at a college play: “The lightning engineer is XXX, they is an art major student”. I remember an older couple next to us pointed out the grammatical errors.
To make you smile, my WordPress grammar corrector is underlining “they is” and suggests replacing it with “they are”.
For Latin-based languages like French, Spanish, Portuguese, etc, it’s way more complicated as everything is gendered.
| English | Gender | French | Gender |
| Table | Neutral | Table | Feminine |
| Tree | Neutral | Arbre | Masculin |
| Book | Neutral | Livre | Masculin |
| Chair | Neutral | Chaise | Feminine |
Our “they” doesn’t work as the French have “Ils” Masculin and “Elles” Feminine. Same with Spanish and Portuguese (Eles/Elas etc.)
Gender Neutral French came up with ideas…
- Replace il/elle (he/she) with “æl” for both and replace the termination gender by the same æ – Gabriel est unæ petitæ personne – good luck pronouncing that!
- Replace il/elle with “iel” and add a dot to show a kind of neutrality – Grabriel est un.e petit.e personne – Good luck reading it.
- Some come with even crazier ways: replace all genderization by @ it becomes – Gabriel est un@ petit@ personne…
I asked a French friend of mine, and his comment was: “If you look like a duck, walk like a duck, I’ll call you a duck.”
In the US, some started to use Sie or Ze to replace He/She and Hir to replace Her/His, etc. I would prefer that to “they” but it’s just me.
As a senior manager, I had to go to training, which was ridiculous – I felt that some smart people found a great way to make a truckload of money. My company paid $75,000 for an afternoon program and to be told that when meeting new people, we have to present ourselves as: My name is Joe, I am a he, him, his. No one in the training agreed, duh.
I try as much as possible to avoid pronouns so I don’t insult gender neutral individuals, for example, in a meeting:
- Before: Her/his pen is broken
- Now: Gaen has a broken pen.
Not too difficult, and it makes my brain work a bit more 🙂 With time it becomes a habit using a gender neutral language.
• Take note of occasions when your language implies gender and focus on correcting that
• Be aware of using ‘he’ and ‘she’ in everyday language and try to use “they” or other gender-neutral pronouns instead
• Use gender-inclusive language when talking to groups
• Be conscious of your word choice when speaking with or about people
• Recognize gender stereotypes in your language and attempt to avoid them
• Ask people for their pronouns when you are unsure of their gender identity
What about you? How do you manage?
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